Gone till I'm healed

I think I shouldn't blog for the time being.

I've been attempting to blog for the past few days but I always find myself typing the same old thing that should not be published on my blog.

I've not been blogging because every time I'm on Blogger, I think of you and it kills me. I think of you because I know you are an avid stalker and I worry that my posts will lead you back to me. I honestly hate it when that happens because you always seem to want my affairs to be yours and I hate it to the core. You want my affairs to be yours not out of genuine concern but because you want to gloat over my misery. Even if you always emphasise that you care, it disgusts me that you act like you do.

I've been trying to tolerate myself for not lashing out at you again and I've been hoping that my emotions won't manipulate me.

I know it's some shitty psychological effect on me but I'm not going to take the risk of repeating the whole cycle again because it's really tiring and crazy for me. It's too much to bear. I don't understand why I am well for the past few years but right now I am going crazy although I'm so far away from the 'forgotten'. Time will never heal unless I am ready to let go. But I can't. Even if I run or stay with it, I learn but I can't move on.

So if you don't go, I will.