http://wanderlusterful.blogspot.com

The End

I think I found many reasons for my lost of interest in blogging. I have many things to write but I often find myself spamming on the delete button. I think I found reasons for the way I am now. Honestly, I miss and love the old me. I hate building walls around me... so much...

I think it's time for a new start. A fresh start.

I used to treat blogging really seriously. No, it's not because I want people to read about my life. I used to love blogging because I simply just love writing and keeping posts for my memories. I'd normally delete a blog and start anew if I feel that a new chapter has started in my life.

So yeah... it's time for a change. Maybe with this change, I'll have things to blog about.

GOODBYE NEONFEATHERLIGHTS.

Magic

I love the internet because I've landed on a beautiful page to find all the instrumental versions of my idol's songs. I can fall in love with him and his songs all over again.

I love the library because I found myself borrowing a somewhat famous book without even reading the synopsis and ended up tearing at almost every chapter of the book. It is such a good read and I'm almost done reading the whole book after reading for a few hours.

I love how yesterday went because everything fell into place. My day was magical.

I love magic.

I really hate it when you always do this whole PMS thing without telling me what is wrong and I will always need to sit there and think about what I actually did wrong. And I hate it when I pick up the courage to ask you what is wrong, you will always tell me that it's nothing and then go back to the PMS mood again.

I regard you as my little brother. I really do.

But I don't think I deserve any of your random bad moods without any explanation.

STUPID. Can't believe this has been bothering me for hours.

Gone till I'm healed

I think I shouldn't blog for the time being.

I've been attempting to blog for the past few days but I always find myself typing the same old thing that should not be published on my blog.

I've not been blogging because every time I'm on Blogger, I think of you and it kills me. I think of you because I know you are an avid stalker and I worry that my posts will lead you back to me. I honestly hate it when that happens because you always seem to want my affairs to be yours and I hate it to the core. You want my affairs to be yours not out of genuine concern but because you want to gloat over my misery. Even if you always emphasise that you care, it disgusts me that you act like you do.

I've been trying to tolerate myself for not lashing out at you again and I've been hoping that my emotions won't manipulate me.

I know it's some shitty psychological effect on me but I'm not going to take the risk of repeating the whole cycle again because it's really tiring and crazy for me. It's too much to bear. I don't understand why I am well for the past few years but right now I am going crazy although I'm so far away from the 'forgotten'. Time will never heal unless I am ready to let go. But I can't. Even if I run or stay with it, I learn but I can't move on.

So if you don't go, I will.