A glimpse of 2012

Ahh... I am finally writing my most favourite post. Every year, I will write two posts before the year ends. One is dedicated to the people who made my year while the other (this post) is for reflecting on how my year went. Since my laptop is no longer working, the only post I can write via phone is a summary of how my year went.

What can I say? The beginning to 2012 was sweet. I got together with Kay Wee, experiencing so many things with him. We hung out almost every day, going to many places and we were never sick of each other. Sure enough, we got into some quarrels like how other couples do but we always managed to handle the situation well.

Everything was well until the start of our new academic year. I became a junior in TP, which basically means I am in year 2. I was initially afraid of my new class. There were definitely familar faces but I wasn't close to a single one of them. Still, I was pretty excited about school because I was really motivated to do better than what I achieved in year 1. But alas, I was wrong. Year 2 is really tough for me. I learnt stupid modules that I am not interested in and gradually, I found myself detaching myself from school. I stopped talking to people, I stopped attending lectures and started skipping tutorials. I hate myself for that.

As if it wasn't enough, things started to change in my life. I stopped sleeping. It's not that I don't want to sleep, but I just can't fall asleep. I felt like I had serious sleep issues. I don't care about my hygiene, image, and myself. I felt like I stopped loving... me.

Then, we had the two months break. The two months break was nothing but dull days. I started being active on Auditionsea again and I even opened a FAM which I regretted at first because there was just so much to commit. I got a job at Carrefour with Kay Wee and Jacey which I also initially regretted because of the long working hours. But that was where I not only learnt how to appreciate and love the people around me, but also myself. I had many conversations with my colleagues and learnt so many things about life. For that, I am thankful. It's odd to say this but I really miss talking to them.

The two months break was spent with some close friends of mine too, but not with Kay Wee. I disliked going out and so I usually ended up disappointing Kay Wee when I ruined his plans. I was and still am a bad girlfriend.

I was even worse when we got back to school for our second term. This time, I really stopped attending school and I officially got my very first warning letter for skipping BA. Sigh. No one knows how much I hate school right now. The urge to drop everything and quit school is really tempting.

But 2012 wasn't a really bad year for three reasons.

1. ~Obstinacy~

I am really glad I opened this FAM (in other terms, it is also called guild/clan) because of the lovely people I have with me. I almost disband the FAM because it was so tough being a FAM leader but I'm glad I didn't. It's really weird how we bond so well although we all met online. I didn't open this FAM because I felt lonely or needed attention but I started it because something in me told me to. We had our first outing recently and we are having our second major outing today!

Like I said earlier in one of my earlier posts, I am generally the oldest but I get to learn so many things from them. Each of us comes from different backgrounds and we have different stories to tell. The little friendship each of us have feels like magic. Haha. I know this sounds corny but it's true.

2. My father

My father was released this year and oh boy, this incident got me on a roller coaster ride this whole year. I started with hating him for the things he put us through last year and never visited him at all because I was really lost. I didn't understand how a father could actually do such things to his family.

I came to realise it was stupid of me to have such thoughts after receiving a call from my aunt. Sigh. All of us were guilty and realised we all needed to forgive and forget. We started doing things for him and hanging out with him after his release.

I've never experienced fatherly love since young and right now, I do. I am thankful for my father being a changed man and giving me the love I wished I always have.

3. You

You are the very first and last reason for my living. Because of you, I live. I am thankful for you coming into my life as who you are right now and I am grateful for the love you shower over me each and every day. Life is never great without you. Thank you for letting me experience love again.

Well... I'd say 2012 is the worst year of my life for all the wrong and right reasons but it is also one of the years I learnt the most. I suffered but gained quite a bit of knowledge from life. I am grateful for all the wonderful and terrible things that happened to me.

I still have that little bit of courage to have faith in the new year. Right here I stand, I am ready to embrace 2013.

2013, please be good to everyone.