Reasons why August sucks.

I must say that it was really difficult for me to come up with this post. I took about two days to edit and rewrite this post, because I realised the more I wrote, the more I was breaking the promise I made to myself.

So well, here it goes.

August is by far the worst month of 2011. It probably made to the 'worst moment of my life' list too, joining the rest of my suckiest moments in this list. I must admit that I am weak, I am really not strong to handle everything that has happened, especially when it all came to me within a few days. Uneventful events kept unfolding each day, and I really wonder if I am able to keep myself strong, at least until the end of August.

To start it off, I lost two wonderful friends

One is in desperate need of money and I was unable to help her. Still, I tried my ways to get money for her and I decided not to hand her the money because of her attitude towards me that day. I know this was wrong, but I guess if anyone were in my situation, they would have done the same. I have lost another friend whom is really irritating for the past 7 years of our friendship.Yes, she is a good friend, I guess. But I have no idea why I felt much happier not having her as a friend.

Another depressing moment is when my OP group had met some problems with our slides, and it will be brought up to the disciplinary side. Honestly, I don't give a damn if it will affect my results or whatsoever, as long as you get punished for what you have done, I am okay with it. So what if you did argue well during the interrogation? The fact is that you didn't do your assigned tasks, and you even got some slides from another class and asked me to edit them for you. If you have some brains, I guess you could have edited them yourself before sending to me. -.-

And you still have the cheek to criticise my friend on twitter. I dare you to step over my line, try me.

And lastly, Nigel Tan left me on Thursday.

It really hit me hard that day when you broke the news to me. I immediately broke down when I saw your text, not caring if I am crying in school. I really lost my mood to finish up my slides, I couldn't even think right. As I walked home that night, I couldn't help but to cry on my way home. I didn't care if anyone saw me cry. While I walked home, I texted you and demanded for the reasons. You told me that if you did, I wouldn't be able to take the blow. I pleaded with you to tell me the reasons, and so you did.

Thinking back, I wasn't even sure if your reasons were true. I mean, if the reasons were really true, something must have triggered that thought in your mind. I did believe that you wouldn't leave me for that reason. I cried the whole night thinking if I would be able to change your mind, but I ended up blaming myself further for whatever had happened. I ended up sending you a really long text begging you to come back to me, I didn't care how desperate I sound.

Friday was even worse when I went to school. I woke up with really puffy eyes and for once, I felt really really hideous in my formal wear. I probably dragged myself to school that day and did my presentation which I didn't bother to prepare because I was really down. During other groups' presentations, I felt like crying but I fought back my tears.

Afternoon's event was really crappy, but it honestly kept me away from thinking about our relationship. The only thing that I was proud of was that I felt like a lawyer fighting for my group's rights. And the only thing that kept me happy for a few hours were my friends. And that was the moment I decided to let it go.

I texted you in the evening, telling you that I didn't want a reply for my patch up text. I knew it from the start that you would reject me, and that you would ignore my text, I knew it. And so, you replied the answer I expected, but not the way I wanted it to be. Somehow, your reply made my mood worse and I was secretly crying on my way home again, this time with Kay Wee by my side.

I told myself, "That's it, I will forget you".

And this morning, I texted you and told you that we'll be friends, just like how we were before we got together. Yes, you agreed to it, but your reply wasn't what I expected again. I got even more sad and really wondered if you really left me for those reasons.

Somehow, your reply just made me feel like you're in love with someone else.

I don't know, I don't know what you are thinking. But I must admit, I am really sad now, I need you to comfort me as a friend, and I need to get on with my life. And I must admit, I am not able to let go yet