Contradiction

I have yet mastered the art of discipline when it comes to Christianity upbringing.

I have about 3 bibles at home. One of them is very much cherished and loved by me because it was given to me when I was 13 years old, by my City Harvest cell group leader, Eunice. Being young and curious, I went hunting for the store that sells this bible because I wanted to check out its price.

I always hold on to this principle in my life- Never accept something I do not deserve.

So, I went to check out its price and realised how expensive it was. And I kept questioning myself if I should even receive such an expensive bible when I do not always attend my bible study and church sessions.

This question is always on my mind, and I have never asked anyone yet.

And after being in City Harvest for about 5 years, I left due to personal reasons. To me, City Harvest was never a good church. I am sorry for saying that and I am sorry if any of my words offended anyone! But, City Harvest taught me something really important.

Christianity is not a religion, it is a relationship with God

This year, I started going back to church sometimes. No, it's not City Harvest anymore. I attend Melvyn's church sometimes and I was really proud of myself when I started to pray and read the bible again. It feels wonderful because as I pray or read the bible, I can always sense that someone is always there for me.

Sadly, I recently stopped praying and reading the bible again.

Maybe my habit of being lazy controlled me. Or maybe, I just can't be bothered. I can't explain how guilty I feel when I wake up every morning, realising that I have not prayed the previous day. And I will always tell myself, 'I will pray and read the word later'.

But my 'later' doesn't happen.

Right now, Melvyn is checking on my situation on MSN. I am happy to have a friend who keeps me in his prayer, who checks if I've been praying and reading the bible everyday, and of course, he is always inviting me to go back to church although he knows I am not free to attend on Sundays anymore.

So as I look at his words and his preaching, I did a little reflection on myself.

I realised I only pray when I NEED something. My 'thank you' at the end of every prayer I made was never sincere. And I don't communicate enough with God, let alone read a word of the bible. Maybe I am the suckiest Christian of history.

But I know, I don't want to be a backslider. I don't want to drift away from someone who created us and who is always there for us. I want to repent and wash away my sins and start anew. So, today shall be a good start!

I must be strong in Christ!

Matthew 6:5-12
And when you pray, do not be like the hypocrites, for they love to pray standing in the synagogues and on the street corners to be seen by men. I tell you the truth, they have received their reward in full. But when you pray, go into your room, close the door and pray to your Father, who is unseen. Then your Father, who sees what is done in secret, will reward you. And when you pray, do not keep on babbling like pagans, for they think they will be heard because of their many words. Do not be like them, for your Father knows what you need before you ask him. "This, then, is how you should pray: "'Our Father in heaven, hallowed be your name, your kingdom come, your will be done on earth as it is in heaven. Give us today our daily bread. Forgive us our debts, as we also have forgiven our debtors.

And yes, I deserve the bible because I know I want to have a relationship with God (: